There is something about autumn. Something...I don't like.

Don't get me wrong; autumn is beautiful in its own right – the changing colors on the trees, the pleasantly cooler air, the comfy long-sleeved shirts I forgot about….

But it's also a time of winding down. An inaudible clock ticks toward certain death. All the green that I love will soon be gone, and I resent that about autumn.

I hear the wind blowing loudly through the leaves, crisper, drier than they were a mere week ago. I see flowers in my garden, limp and sad, their colors no longer beaming bravely under the summer sun. Patches of grass betray their still-green neighbors, fading and shrinking back from the chill in the air.

And even while I grieve these aesthetic losses, I lounge comfortably on my couch in the evening with the patio door open, a refreshing breeze drifting through the screen. The sun that only recently pounded down and broiled my dark hair shines, in this season, a bit more gently as I sit outside and watch my daughters play in the front yard. I don my favorite jeans again, welcoming the opportunity to skip shaving my legs without scaring anyone.sigh for yesterday

Yet as I count these autumnal blessings, I still feel a sense of dread. Because I know what's coming. I know the frigid fist of winter that will punch us all in the face in only a couple of short months. Open the coat closet and take inventory. The snow monster is coming.

Thus autumn is tainted for me. I want to like it – there are some truly lovely reasons to do so – but I don't. What lies ahead fills my soul with such antagonism, such displeasure, that this otherwise delightful season is all but rotten for me. I wish it were still spring. Flowers budding, new life all around me.

"Sigh for Yesterday" holds a bit of this feeling in it. "Yesterday" is springtime, summer, freedom. It is something I had, ever so briefly, and forgot to enjoy as much as I meant to.

It actually reminds me of the Bridge of Sighs in Venice, Italy. This bridge, which crossed over one of the many waterways in the city, was among the last few steps a prisoner would take as he was escorted to life imprisonment. The bridge's windows gave the prisoner a final opportunity to look outside – a final glimpse at the freedom he forfeited, the life he could no longer live.

This piece is fraught with that longing, nostalgia, sorrow, regret, bitterness.... It bears the weight of a loss, a goodbye, a finality, no going back. Winter is coming, and I can't do a thing about it. Can I enjoy the joys of this season this time around? I don't know. I'll try.

What draws a sigh from your lips whenever it comes to mind? What is your yesterday?

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